by Christi Baker, AMFT

POLITICAL AND PERSONAL PARALLELS

It is no mistake that I recently read Daniel Shaw’s Traumatic Narcissism (2013). The book has lingered in my thoughts. I have not been the same since the (re)election of authoritarianism, ruling by strict power over others. I imagine the same could be said for some of my patients - especially those who have endured narcissistic abuse from parents or partners. The echoes between the personal and the political feel unavoidable, even haunting.

Two patients and I share intimate experiences with traumatizing narcissists. We are deeply familiar with, and sensitive to, the systems of control and relational dynamics associated with such individuals. A professor once told me that therapists go through their own process to be there for others in need. I would like to think he was speaking not just of clinical training but also of lived experiences. My lived experiences have heightened my interest in and awareness of subjugating relational and systemic dynamics.

The liminal space since November has been challenging for me and my patients. The new regime is not yet fully in power but has already been flexing its dominance whenever it can. Every appointment of a conspirator felt like an assault. Every threat to strip freedoms sounded like heavy doors slamming shut. Painfully aware of what was and what can be lost to a traumatizing narcissist – whether near or far - I find myself echoing singer-songwriter Sufjan Stevens’ haunting question: is it better to be devoured or broken (2021)? I’m at a loss.

For one patient, the political events have precipitated their undoing. They see authoritarian threats everywhere. Over the past few months, they have experienced profound losses, both tangible and imaginal. They are lost and feel powerless. In their physical and psychic breakdown, I have felt their push-pull dynamic acutely – a yearning to be rescued met with a simultaneous compulsion to be devoured. Our sessions have been feverish and disorienting, demanding that I find new ways to remain intact.

Another patient uncharacteristically began to weave religious themes into our sessions post-election, as though to frame the current moment as something larger than us, yet achingly familiar. They have spoken of shame as Hell – a constant torment – and have identified the Devil in boundary violations of self and other. They describe a toxic interplay of seduction and evil when lines are crossed. Over time, their work has shifted. They have moved through various self-states and settled into a place of grief I had not seen before. In this grief lies the painful acknowledgment of recognition of the self that has always been elusive—both in the home and in the wider world.

In both cases, I see the undeniable parallels of the personal and political, with the echoes of past traumas reverberating against the backdrop of current events. As a therapist, I am tasked with holding space for these connections without losing myself in them, engaging with them in ways that are honest, compassionate, courageous, and hopefully liberating.