by Tanisha Stewart, Psy.D.

Typically this time of the year, a President's Letter would excitedly describe the featured guest of our Annual Lecture. Instead, I contemplated writing about renewal: shaking off the drowsiness of winter as we enter spring, the end of the academic year finally being within sight, and how the warmer weather beckons us outdoors. Then I thought about this year's theme of silence and NCSPP's commitment to transparency. Writing a letter solely focused on the hopes of new beginnings while remaining silent about current organizational struggles felt disingenuous.

NCSPP made the decision to forgo the 2022 Annual Lecture. Our organization is operating at reduced capacity due to vacancies in key positions, including Chair of the Programming Committee. NCSPP has frequently been described as a train, the leader at the helm being almost interchangeable because the organization's momentum pushes forward on a predetermined path. Leading an organization in the midst of restructuring inspires me to consider the possibilities of transformation. However, there is a strong instinct to not publicly speak about the disarray caused by change and disruption. As therapists, we invite our clients to show us all of their messy bits while explicitly being trained to hide our own.

Recently, I made the cardinal sin of forgetting a client's appointment. Their life has been full of disorganization and periods of flight from treatment, pushing me away to test my commitment to their care. I began the following session apologetically but quickly noted that my client sounded absolutely gleeful. Rather than expressing feelings of abandonment, they reveled in my transgression. The consistency of holding a space for them over the years was both containing and a symbol of an unattainable idealized self. NCSPP will continue to provide thought-provoking educational programming, publish newsletters and journals, and host events that create a diverse community. However, our growth as an organization necessitates the airing of our stumbles along the way.